Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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