belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize