haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
