If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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