You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
