I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
