The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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