I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
