I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
