.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
