i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
