she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
