im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
kristin has been a bad kristin
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize