So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize