You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
