I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
worst night to have a conscience
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
