i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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