Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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