no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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