She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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