dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
