The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
