Screwed.edu
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
did i walk over a car last night?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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