I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
