every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
