I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
