Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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