Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
