i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
