brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I cannot find my penis.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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