The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
