Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
