im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
