i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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