i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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