this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
