So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
