Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
