I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
