Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
