can u get pink eye on your cock?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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