hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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