i was born a porn star she said
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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