that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
