i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I am available for nakedness
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
