yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
