Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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