The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
