White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
