Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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