I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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