I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
