so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
