remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
