Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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