Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
