Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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