You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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