Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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