I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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