i barfeds in our rink
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
