Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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