I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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