its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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