the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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