I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
This baby is an asshole
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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